Maybe it’s because I’m the oldest child in the family or maybe it’s because I empathize too much, but I usually gravitate towards the ‘greater good’ side of things in life. A successful outcome to me is everyone having a measure of satisfaction in any given situation. It may not be the ideal way or best for the individuals, yet it’s not the worse.
However, I am reevaluating my position on the matter. Because what ends up happening is working for a mutually beneficial outcome leaves someone with the short stick over and over again. And that someone tends to me.
Ideally, a time would come where the situation favors me, yet that is not the typical outcome. Instead, expecting to get left with the ‘short stick’ has become a habit of mine and I had stopped fighting. It stems partly from liking to avoid confrontation; I prefer my drama scripted and on the television, not a part of my everyday life. So, a situation arises and I can see how it benefits me little, but I still barrel ahead taking my needs out of the equation.
What I have witnessed is people advancing through my sacrifices while things don’t change for me. I don’t fault them; I fault me. I have allowed their ‘greater good’ to be more valuable than my own good.
Focusing too much on the ‘greater good’ has been counterproductive to maintaining a proper amount of self-love. Consequently, I have decided I can no longer willingly give up what’s best for me for the promise of my turn coming next time. I can be emphatic without being self-less. I can do right by me without being selfish.
I have to divorce the ‘greater good’ and fully commit to self-love; then, I can truly be free.
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