Full disclosure. I have teens, and I spend an enormous amount of time on social media. Don’t judge me; it’s not that type of party. So, I have a full cache of memes, trends, old vines, sayings, and more in my repertoire. “But did you die?” happens to be one of them.

I will admit when I was first told this by one of my daughters, I was more than irritated. A situation had occurred, and I was upset about it. Instead of getting any sympathy or acknowledgment of my pains, I got, “But, did you die?”. Needless to say, I was perturbed. How dare she minimize my problem? I didn’t care if it was the latest trend or not. I wanted someone to wallow for a moment in my despair. But, why?

Why do we want pity? Why do we want others to appreciate our misses, our failures, our ‘woe is me’ times? It doesn’t change the situation. You don’t get back what you lost. And this not to dismiss or downplay real times of anguish. But most the time, we are merely mildly inconvenienced by something that won’t mean anything fifteen minutes later. “But, did you die?” liberated me.

For, I truly had not died. That callous remark made me reevaluate my need for comrades in my pity army. I mean, I don’t even remember the particular instance which caused me to feel hurt. I just know I wanted validation for it. And I wanted it right then.

But, I was alive. That instance like many before and since did not cause lasting harm. The things we think we can’t live without have us still living. The things we can’t imagine living with, we’re doing it right now.  And you know what? I even had two instances in 2017 where I almost died. And I don’t complain nor seek pity then. Because I didn’t die. I have my life. I have choices. I have opportunities.

Therefore, when life seems unbearable and you’re spiraling along looking for some sympathy, ask yourself what you are gaining with your complaints? Did your life improve when someone joined the pity party with you? The answer is it didn’t. Cause, you didn’t die. So, get out there and live!

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